Yup I think I'm rejoining the ranks of the working class! So I've been very anti work for the past year. I am not as lazy as I seem! When I work I work and it's my priority!
I really want this new gig, I don't want to talk about it too much because I don't want to jinx it! They've been wanting me to work for them for a few years (I wasn't willing to leave the old gig for it, I should have!) and recently we've been trying to make it happen but there's been a few bumps in the road.
But whatever I think eventually things will fall into place and I'm looking forward to them doing so!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Man oh man!
Yes, man. So there was a guy I let into my life, even though he's on my list of "never mess with a..." list. It's been awhile since we've dealt with each other but what he does for a living crosses with my life a few times a week so I have to deal with him no matter what.
So there's been a big drastic change in that recently and it has me in a royal ass grouchy mood. How am I letting him still affect my life? Like really!? And what could possibly be going on with him I wonder if it was a part of his life when I was a part of it?!
I never ever regret anything I've ever done in my life. He is included in that! But sometimes I think "He made me something that I never wanted to be!"
I adored him for him not for what he was or what he did. I wonder if he'll ever realize that. Guess what I think I'm kinda sad that I don't know if we'll ever see each other again
(ds)
So there's been a big drastic change in that recently and it has me in a royal ass grouchy mood. How am I letting him still affect my life? Like really!? And what could possibly be going on with him I wonder if it was a part of his life when I was a part of it?!
I never ever regret anything I've ever done in my life. He is included in that! But sometimes I think "He made me something that I never wanted to be!"
I adored him for him not for what he was or what he did. I wonder if he'll ever realize that. Guess what I think I'm kinda sad that I don't know if we'll ever see each other again
(ds)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
uneventful
the story of my life
sometimes I don’t get how I have the most boring life ever. for someone who has so many “friends” I really don’t have any. my work defined my life way more than I wanted it to and way more than I realized it until it was gone.
what did I do today?? I got up at 2ish, got way too dressed for no reason, and did pretty much of nothing for the vast majority of my day. what am I dong now? the same nothing I’ve been doing all day.
sometimes I wonder if I didn’t exist, or better yet if I just disappeared would anyone really care to notice. I always say if I died no one, not one person would say “I just lost the love of my life”
and I’m tired of all that “life is what you make of it bullshit” I’m very well aware of that but you can only make so much depending on where you are.
and another thing. I miss my camera. as much as I hated it I miss it. really as uneventful as my life is right now I really should just drop a good $800 on a camera, at least it would give me something to do.
and on the work front even with this new gig how much in reality am I going to be doing
and my comfort zone, the one thing or people who have been stable (as stable as they can be) won’t or is it don’t want me around off of something that shouldn’t be as big of a deal as it is. yes people its pretty painfully fucking heartbreaking as much as I probably never have admitted openly
maybe I should try drugs
sometimes I don’t get how I have the most boring life ever. for someone who has so many “friends” I really don’t have any. my work defined my life way more than I wanted it to and way more than I realized it until it was gone.
what did I do today?? I got up at 2ish, got way too dressed for no reason, and did pretty much of nothing for the vast majority of my day. what am I dong now? the same nothing I’ve been doing all day.
sometimes I wonder if I didn’t exist, or better yet if I just disappeared would anyone really care to notice. I always say if I died no one, not one person would say “I just lost the love of my life”
and I’m tired of all that “life is what you make of it bullshit” I’m very well aware of that but you can only make so much depending on where you are.
and another thing. I miss my camera. as much as I hated it I miss it. really as uneventful as my life is right now I really should just drop a good $800 on a camera, at least it would give me something to do.
and on the work front even with this new gig how much in reality am I going to be doing
and my comfort zone, the one thing or people who have been stable (as stable as they can be) won’t or is it don’t want me around off of something that shouldn’t be as big of a deal as it is. yes people its pretty painfully fucking heartbreaking as much as I probably never have admitted openly
maybe I should try drugs
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I think
I'm losing my mind, sanity, clarity, and fashion sense. I think I may, quite possibly, should think about getting a job. It's been a year but after that last 4 year stint and the way it turned out I don't know if I want to.
Let's see me vs the party, lol! I think I've gone out more in this past year than I have in the 2 before (having a job usually gets in the way of that) and it's not getting too tired (because party for me is going out for drinks and hanging out...drug free school zone over here!) I've just been doing it a lot. Enough to get me in some steaming water with someone I've been associated with for years...but I think he's being a bit of a drama queen. I'm sure he has had moments where there's a story that starts off with "This one time I got drunk" and ends with "but I don't remember any of it!!' (that's another story!)
How I went from years of being in charge and getting shit done to...well doing nothing. I always say I never want my work to define who I am, but all I've ever done is work and now I feel like I really don't know who I am or what my purpose is.
And what's going on with my wardrobe, I need to break this tee shirt everyday thing. Granted I can rock a tee shirt I'm just tired of it. I have SO many more options of clothing to wear I just feel like I don't. Maybe because my career (or lack there of) isn't based off my looks anymore lol!
I guess someday I'll figure it out, hopefully some time soon. Words taken from some of my favorite boys (that are some of the above spoken party stories)
"Time takes us all
So why am I not just living for today
Time takes us all
Will I die right now, I'm only seconds away
Time takes us."
Let's see me vs the party, lol! I think I've gone out more in this past year than I have in the 2 before (having a job usually gets in the way of that) and it's not getting too tired (because party for me is going out for drinks and hanging out...drug free school zone over here!) I've just been doing it a lot. Enough to get me in some steaming water with someone I've been associated with for years...but I think he's being a bit of a drama queen. I'm sure he has had moments where there's a story that starts off with "This one time I got drunk" and ends with "but I don't remember any of it!!' (that's another story!)
How I went from years of being in charge and getting shit done to...well doing nothing. I always say I never want my work to define who I am, but all I've ever done is work and now I feel like I really don't know who I am or what my purpose is.
And what's going on with my wardrobe, I need to break this tee shirt everyday thing. Granted I can rock a tee shirt I'm just tired of it. I have SO many more options of clothing to wear I just feel like I don't. Maybe because my career (or lack there of) isn't based off my looks anymore lol!
I guess someday I'll figure it out, hopefully some time soon. Words taken from some of my favorite boys (that are some of the above spoken party stories)
"Time takes us all
So why am I not just living for today
Time takes us all
Will I die right now, I'm only seconds away
Time takes us."
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